Why Working Moms Are Still Exhausted. Even When They “Have Help.”
What the Research Shows About Working Mom Burnout and the Mental Load
If you’re a working mom in Philadelphia who earns good money, has childcare, and a supportive partner — and you’re still exhausted — you’re not imagining it.
A new sociological study (“Take a Load Off? Not for Mothers: Gender, Cognitive Labor, and the Limits of Time and Money”) published in Socius confirms what so many women already feel in their bones: even when mothers work full-time and earn as much (or more) than their partners, they still carry most of the mental load of family life.
Not the visible chores. Not just the physical caretaking.
But the invisible, relentless work of thinking for everyone.
And that cognitive labor turns out to be one of the biggest drivers of modern working-mom burnout.
Here’s the part that hits hard:
Even when moms work full-time and earn as much as (or more than) their partners, they still carry most of this mental load. Higher income or busier schedules don’t reduce it. It just gets carried with you — silently.
The authors call this phenomenon “gendered cognitive stickiness.” Once the mental load is assigned to mom, it sticks — regardless of time, money, or support.
And that layer of effort, that pressure, doesn’t show up on the calendar — so it doesn’t get recognized, acknowledged, or shared. It just turns into anxiety, tension, resentment, and burnout.
How Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Anxiety Drive Working Mom Burnout
Most of the working moms I meet in therapy don’t just struggle with schedules — they struggle with the inner voices that tell them:
“I should be able to handle all of this.”
“If I drop one ball, everything falls apart.”
“I can’t slow down — people will be disappointed.”
“I have to get it right.”
These voices are more than thoughts — they’re internal parts shaped by years of copying rules, expectations, and learned beliefs about worth and safety.
From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, burnout isn’t a personal failure — it’s a system in action.
There are parts of you that:
The Perfectionist
This part believes: “If I don’t do it perfectly, I’m failing.”
It overthinks, rechecks, revises, and keeps standards impossibly high — because it fears criticism, chaos, or rejection. Perfectionism is exhausting because it never rests.
The People-Pleaser
This part wants safety through approval, connection, and harmony. It says yes before it knows what’s being asked, smooths discomfort, and avoids conflict — but that means it often puts others’ needs ahead of your own. It can run on empty while still insisting you give more.
The Burned Out Part
This part whispers: “I can’t keep this up.”
It wants rest, care, safety, space — but it’s often drowned out by the other parts who are trying to protect you by holding everything together.
Why Working Mom Burnout Feels Different Than Normal Stress
Stress is short-lived.
Anxiety is future-focused.
Burnout is exhaustion that sticks around — even when you finally sit down or take time off.
And for working moms, burnout often comes with:
Chronic worry about forgetting something
Tension between work identity and mom identity
That creeping sense of not being enough
Guilt when you rest
Resentment that you’re the default manager in your family
This is emotional, mental, and nervous-system fatigue — not a failure of willpower.
You’re Not Failing — You’re Experiencing Working Mom Burnout
If this post hits close to home — if your mind never really stops — know this:
Burnout in working moms often isn’t about how much you’re doing — it’s about how much you’re carrying mentally and emotionally. And because cognitive labor is invisible, it gets overlooked — by partners, workplaces, even ourselves. As a therapist working with high-achieving working moms in Philadelphia, I see this mental load show up again and again.
There is a way forward — not by trying to be perfect or people-pleasing less — but by understanding who inside you has been holding the weight, and helping those parts feel safe enough to rest.
If you want help untangling these patterns — perfectionism, people-pleasing, anxiety, and burnout — you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can help you maintain motivation while creating boundaries to manage anxiety, burnout, and perfectionism paralysis. You deserve less pressure, more ease, and a sense of worth that isn’t defined by flawless performance.
I offer virtual and in-person burnout therapy in City Center Philadelphia and online therapy across Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
Contact me today to learn how therapy can help you find balance and relief.
