Set boundaries without losing connection.

People-pleasing is more than being kind or helpful

People-pleasing is the habit of prioritizing others’ needs, expectations, and emotions at the expense of your own. For many high-achievers, people-pleasing becomes a way to stay safe, avoid conflict, and maintain approval.

Especially in high-pressure environments, people-pleasing is often rewarded:

  • You’re the one who takes on the extra project.

  • You’re the one who responds quickly.

  • You’re the one others can always rely on.

This may help you excel professionally, but it comes with a cost: emotional exhaustion, resentment, burnout, and disconnection from your own needs.

People-pleasing isn’t a flaw — it’s a protective strategy that once helped you feel safe or valued. Therapy helps you understand this protection so you can choose responses that serve you now, not just ones you learned long ago.

You may notice:

  • Difficulty saying no — even when you’re overwhelmed

  • Feeling responsible for others’ feelings

  • Avoiding conflict or disappointing anyone

  • Apologizing often or taking blame that isn’t yours

  • Putting others first automatically

  • Struggling with boundaries at work or in relationships

If these patterns feel familiar, you’re not alone — and they are completely workable in therapy.

Signs You May Be Struggling With People-Pleasing

How Therapy Helps with People-Pleasing

Therapy provides a supportive space to explore why these patterns exist, how they impact your relationships and well-being, and how to develop healthier, more grounded ways of relating.

Here’s how I support clients who struggle with people-pleasing:

  • Using an Internal Family Systems (IFS)–informed approach, we explore the “parts” of you that try to:

    • Keep the peace

    • Earn approval

    • Prevent conflict

    • Avoid criticism or rejection

    These parts often took on these roles to protect younger versions of you who felt they had to earn safety or belonging.

    In therapy, we:

    • Learn what these people-pleasing parts are afraid will happen if they stop

    • Build compassion for these protective patterns

    • Understand their intentions without letting them run the show

    This helps you move from automatic people-pleasing to intentional, authentic connection.

  • Many clients fear that setting boundaries means they’ll become selfish or push people away. In reality, boundaries create healthier, more honest, more sustainable relationships.

    Together, we work on:

    • Saying no without guilt

    • Prioritizing your needs without fear

    • Navigating difficult conversations with confidence

    • Recognizing where you tend to overextend

    • Building emotional tolerance for disappointing others

    These skills make space for relationships that feel mutual, supportive, and grounded.

  • People-pleasing often ties worth to performance or approval. Therapy helps you:

    • Expand your sense of identity beyond being “the dependable one”

    • Build self-trust and confidence

    • Stop over-identifying with others’ emotions or expectations

    • Hold compassion for yourself, not just others

    You learn to value yourself for who you are — not only for what you provide.

The bottom line -

People-pleasing may have helped you feel safe, accepted, and valued — but it doesn’t have to define your relationships or dictate your choices.

Therapy can help you develop boundaries, reduce anxiety, and reconnect with who you are beneath the pressure to keep everyone happy.

I offer virtual and in-person sessions in Center City Philadelphia for professionals who show up strong on the outside but feel pulled apart within. Contact me today to learn how therapy can help you create healthier relationships and a more grounded sense of self.

Reach Out Today!

Frequently Asked Questions

  • People-pleasing often shows up as difficulty saying no, fear of disappointing others, guilt when setting boundaries, over-apologizing, or feeling responsible for others’ emotions. If you prioritize others’ needs so much that it impacts your own well-being, you may be experiencing a people-pleasing pattern.

  • People-pleasing usually develops during childhood or early relationships as a way to stay safe, connected, or valued. If you learned that being agreeable, helpful, or “easy” led to love or protection, the pattern can continue into adulthood — especially in workplaces or relationships where expectations are high.

  • Therapy helps you understand why these patterns formed, what internal “parts” feel responsible for keeping the peace, and how to develop healthy boundaries without losing connection. Using an IFS-informed approach, we work on reducing guilt, increasing self-trust, and building a more grounded sense of self-worth.

  • No. Healthy boundaries protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being — and they allow relationships to be more honest and sustainable. Therapy can help you learn how to set boundaries in ways that feel confident, compassionate, and aligned with your values.

  • It’s completely normal to fear that others may react when you begin expressing your needs. Therapy helps you build emotional resilience, navigate challenging conversations, and feel confident that you can handle others’ reactions without abandoning yourself.

  • Yes. People-pleasers often struggle with guilt, overthinking, and fear of making the “wrong” choice. Therapy helps you understand where these fears come from and teaches practical tools to quiet the inner critic, reduce anxiety, and stop second-guessing yourself.

  • Yes. I specialize in working with high-achieving professionals across Center City, Rittenhouse, Logan Square, Fairmount, and South Philly. Many clients are navigating workplace expectations, leadership roles, burnout, perfectionism, and the emotional labor of keeping everyone happy.